Pain & Happiness

Me & my best girl-friend married in the same year, only a month apart. We were so excited - we were both sure our first children would be born in the same year. 

I don't really want to remember the darkest days of my infertility. Let me just say that it was really hard for me to accept the fact that she was going to have the first child and I am not. It was really difficult to visit her new-born son for the first time.   But, accepting the news of her second pregnancy was even harder.

Her boy is now 8. Yesterday was the second time that I had him for whole afternoon. And it was the first time that we were doing his homework together. It was lovely. He was very motivated (I admit - I used a bit of bribing - we went in between for a walk to the shopping centre, to buy delicious chocolate&vanilla donats. Yummy!)

When his dad picked him up, I talked to the boy and the dad when could I have him for the next time. We all agreed that it would be perfect occasion in 14 days. Then I suddenly noticed that his little sister (aged 6) stares at me sadly with her beautiful blue eyes. I asked her what is it. And she replied: "I want to come to you to do my homework too." 

How extra cute is that? So - I am getting two children in 14 days :) :)

*** 

I love life. It is full surprises. I never thought I would be able to look forward to my time with other children again. 

For Mali: Pasticcio di verdure (Lasagna di verdure)

Dear Mali,
I have baked this today - my own lasagna with vegetables.
Just to let you know that I am already practising for our Italian cooking course in the year 2030 :)
kind regards,
Klara

A granddaughter

I just got a personal message on my FB.  My ex-boss (I worked for her ten years ago) sent me a message saying:
"So how are you? Anything new***? Nothing much new with me except that  my granddaugher is growing up so fast."

***she does know of my infertility issues. Or better said: she knew and probably forgot or just did not care.

What can I reply to a message like this? We  haven't been in touch for the last five years and all she can say are news regarding her granddaughter.

What can I reply?  I am still infertile. Still childless. And of course, grandchildless for good. 

***)/&%#! == (=lots of ugly words, they help to send away the anger).

I did what I do the best: I deleted the message. And I will just pretend that I never read it. So yes, a problem easily solved. My way.


I just hope that one day, when I am old and grey, my messages to younger excoworkers will be witty, inspiring and not hurting.  They will include the news as:
- how good was my Italian cooking 3-week-course in Tuscany
- the best moments from walking the El Camino
- I will invite them to stop by and try my homegrown vegetables (my zucchinis will be amazing) 
- how lovely it is to be the oldest student in a language school, learning for the first time Japanese / Arabic / Portugese / Spanish / Mandarine / ...
- hundreds of ideas to follow

Ice

A photo taken out of our living room.
My country has been frozen in ice for the last two days.