I don't have to justify my existence with anything

 

I met a dear friend of mine. We met while going to the IVFs at the same time. She was one of the lucky ones, I wasn't. 

Our paths parted, but whenever we meet - it feels like yesterday. I can't imagine going through the hell of failed IVFs without her. I have always loved her.

We went for a walk together and it was nice. But then, out of the blue came her comment that one doesn't need to have children of his own in order to leave a mark in this world. That I could decide to help someone in need. 

In old times I would just take the comment and wouldn't say anything.

But I am done being quiet.

I said that me as a childless person don't have to justify my existence with kindness. If I choose to help someone, it would be my decision as a human being (where it really doesn't matter your reproduction status). 

I live. I am a decent person. I am kind (most of the time). But to be frank, the world many times isn't kind with me.

Will comments like that ever stop to hurt? I guess not.

But what is a good thing: they don't hurt a lot and they don't hurt long.

And as always: a long walk in the forest helps me feeling better. I love autumn colours. 

First covid

I was doing such a good job protecting myself from covid19 for the last 3 years. But I had to go on a business trip for few days, I met tons of people and I came home with covid. 

I was very ill for two days (almost 39 C & severe headaches). Today is the day number 5 of the illness and I am feeling already much better.

Luckily I have been vaccined 3x so far, so I hope that the worst part of the illness is behind me.

I am not afraid of anything any more

I have a friend whose teenage daughter died of cancer few years ago. When talking to her for the first time after the death of her child, she told me: "The most terrible thing that can happen, has already happened. And now I am just not afraid of anything any more." 

I am not comparing my childlessness to the loss of friend's child.

But only recently I thought about our conversation again and I realized, how devastating the childlessness was for me. In how many different ways it affected my life. I could say just the same. 

The most terrible thing that can happen, has already happened. And now I am just not afraid of anything any more.

Nobody should go through this alone

 It is a rainy Saturday and it is lovely to have time for reading the stories on World Childless Week.

I love Rianna's video story:

https://worldchildlessweek.net/mon-12-2022/nothing-could-have-prepared-me-for-this-sudden-silence

Exactly, nobody should go through this alone!

Our stories

 

Our stories:

https://worldchildlessweek.net/our-stories-2022

 

My story "The letter to you":

 https://worldchildlessweek.net/mon-12-2022/a-letter-to-you

 

 

Dalmatia, Croatia

 

 I have just come back from a lovely week in Dalmatia with my husband. I know many of you love seeing my holiday photos, so I am sharing my favourite three photos with you.

One day we went on a walk around Lovište, half island Pelješac and we came across a beautiful tombstone. There it was written in Croatian:

Ovdje je pokopano moje milo zlato, koje preminulo od kužne bolesti na 5.11.1918. Ožalošćeni otac Marko Popović postavi

Translation would be:

My sweet girl, who died of infectious disease on November 5, 1918, is buried here. Grieving father Marko Popović 

(moje milo zlato / is such a beautiful expression, I can't translate it good enough).  

We were admiring this beautiful tomb in the most wonderful nature you can imagine in silence. I was thinking about all the sadness that there once was. And how everything ends, also sadness.  

We were alone on that spot when suddenly an old couple came along. The man told us that he is a  nephew (or great-nephew) of a girl who is burried there. Her name was Ursula Popović, she died when 11. 

***

Second photo: our beach in Pelješac, opposite is town Korčula, island Korčula (according to some theories Marco Polo was born here).

Third photo: island Hvar, view from the balcony of our rented apartment.

Some new beautiful photos from sLOVEnia

 

First of all: thank you to all of you, my dear readers, who took time to leave a condolences message / email. They meant the world to me in those difficult times. 

The first three photos were taken on a difficult day, I had troubles concentrating at work so I just took a day off work and took a bus ride to spend a lovely day at Lake Bohinj (which is by the way my favourite place of all).  I was swimming whole day, the alpine lake is crystal clear and warm.

I read this book: https://www.bookdepository.com/Comfort-Book-Matt-Haig/9781786898296 and I liked it a lot. It was a beautiful gift from a friend of mine.

The third photo: Lake Bled. I stepped out of the bus just to take this photo, just before the storm came.

I can't do anything about changing the past. What I can do is to find energy to pack my things and go to the nature at least for a whole day... to see how many beautiful things this world offers. To forget the sadness just for a day.

I can't do anything more to help the older nephew. What I can do is to help the younger nephew and my husband. Few days ago I invited them for a beautiful long hike to the forest plateau Pokljuka (above those two lakes).