I met a dear friend of mine. We met while going to the IVFs at the same time. She was one of the lucky ones, I wasn't.
Our paths parted, but whenever we meet - it feels like yesterday. I can't imagine going through the hell of failed IVFs without her. I have always loved her.
We went for a walk together and it was nice. But then, out of the blue came her comment that one doesn't need to have children of his own in order to leave a mark in this world. That I could decide to help someone in need.
In old times I would just take the comment and wouldn't say anything.
But I am done being quiet.
I said that me as a childless person don't have to justify my existence with kindness. If I choose to help someone, it would be my decision as a human being (where it really doesn't matter your reproduction status).
I live. I am a decent person. I am kind (most of the time). But to be frank, the world many times isn't kind with me.
Will comments like that ever stop to hurt? I guess not.
But what is a good thing: they don't hurt a lot and they don't hurt long.
And as always: a long walk in the forest helps me feeling better. I love autumn colours.
Dear Klara,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about that hurtful comment. I wonder whether she maybe meant it in a different way? Maybe it was more about meaning? That if you want to find meaning in your life, it doesn't have to be through parenting? Because there are definitely other ways?
But I agree. You are a gift to this world just by existing <3. Definitely you are one of the kindest people I know. I also know, and that seems so unfair, that you have to put up with a lot less kind people saying stupid things.
You don't need to do anything unless you want to. We all don't have to become Mother Theresas to justify being on this earth. We have a right to live just like that. And to be loved just like that, too.
I am glad that you were not upset for too long. The autumn colours are indeed beautiful.
Sending much love!
Beautiful picture! I love autumn. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. I needed the reminder that I don't owe anyone or the world anything. I am kind most of the time too. I am just living my life. I don't have to justify my existence. Thank you.
Dear Klara,
ReplyDeletethis comment of your friend suggests that as a childless woman you basically have a deficit, which you have to compensate. But it is simply a condition without evaluation and being a mother does not automatically mean that you are a nice and friendly person. What a weird thought your friend had.... You are a kind and warm person because it is your personality. It has nothing to do with being a woman with or without children.
I love the colors of the forest!!!
Love, Lilly
I saw the title of your post before the page opened on my screen, and I was already ready to cheer! Brava!
ReplyDeleteI love love love your response - that you "don't have to justify your existence with kindness." That is so true. Besides, there are lots of examples of your kindness and how you have helped people and children over the years too! You have left a mark on the world, and it is a good one! (Unlike those of some parents!) I'm offended on your behalf that your friend made the assumption you haven't already been doing that, just because you're a good person!
I think maybe it shows how naive your friend is - that she still thinks that being a parent is the only way to do that. Or maybe she was perhaps trying to be open to your life. She just got it wrong!
I am glad though that you have had such a good friend in such difficult times. And in autumn colours, you lucky thing!
Oops, I think I accidentally posted as Anonymous. Sorry!
ReplyDeleteDear Mali, Lilly, Elaine and Phoenix, thank you for your kind comments! They reminded me how much I have missed writing! And how lucky I am to have found you (and some others) who understand me.
ReplyDeleteDear Elaine, you are right - you are right, my friend's comment was more about meaning. I know she didn't mean anything bad, but still.
Her words implied that since she is a mother, she doesn't have to find another meaning / purpose / importance in life. And me, as a childless woman have to find that.
Happy Sunday.
Klara
Dear Klara,
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you could reply to your friend and stopped being quiet!
I also love autumn colors :-)
Sending love, hoping that you fully recovered from covid,
Léa