People whom you love can hurt you the most.
I have a friend with whom I can talk almost about everything. I like her. I try to be a supportive friend whenever she needs someone to talk to (someone in her family has been dealing with mild depression).
Two weeks ago we had a vivid discussion just about everything over the phone. She shared some stories about her almost adult daughters. I am fine with that - as long the conversation isn't only about children.
But then - out of the blue - she started to tell me about the article that she had read. The main message of the article was that people who have grandchildren, live longer. Because they see the purpose of their living.
I remained speechless for a moment.
Once again, I was giving so much into the friendship and receiving so little back.
In the old days I would have remained silent. Not now. I am done being quiet. I stopped her and asked: "Are you trying to put me into depression?".
She was embarrassed. She apologized and said that she was truly sorry, that she just got carried away and forgot about my story. She commented that this is obviously not true, she was just reporting what she had read.
I said to her that it is very possible that this was true. But that I refuse to believe that. That I need to believe that each of us - regardless of having children/grandchildren or not - needs to find his/her own happiness and the purpose of life. And that it isn't necessary that this purpose is something huge. Each of us has to figure out the way.
I took a photo of the flowers on the meadow very close to our home. It made me happy, watching the flowers. Not many countries around the world have meadows as beautiful as ours. Or - perhaps I am wrong and I just never traveled at the time of blooming meadows.
That was really thoughtless of your friend - I am happy that you managed to make her aware of it, so she will be more careful with people around her in her life.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the song. I had heard about it of course, but hadn't listened to it before (how great is it that I listen to it thanks to your blog??? ;))) ). I really like it as well, and am glad that she had a lot of success and came close to winning.
xoxo
I am so glad (and kinda proud of you) that you spoke up to her. And I love your response too. Also, there are studies that show grandparents who expect their grandchildren to provide their entertainment and care but then that doesn't happen find it harder to cope with life than those of us without kids or grandkids who have accepted that fact. In the words of my mother, your friend should "put that in her pipe and smoke it!" lol
ReplyDeleteUg. I hate that your friend prattled on like that. How inconsiderate. Good for you for saying something.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think I can be friends with someone with kids, but instances like this remind me that maybe it is not possible. Maybe they will always just be my co-workers, relatives, and acquaintances that I like.
Phoenix has used the perfect word for this: it was inconsiderate, and I am sorry about it.
ReplyDeleteYes, indeed, I believe the same: that each of us needs to find his/her own happiness and the purpose of life. I recently saw a documentary about a very wealthy aristocrat who had "everything" (yes, children, too!) and yet lived a life without a purpose.
Do you know, dear Klara, that thanks to you I am listening to French chansons again? It makes me happy :-).
Wishing you a lovely weekend!
Oh, good for you for speaking up about that comment!! I am sure she'll think twice before doing something like that again.
ReplyDeleteHow can a friend "forget" about our stories? I'm glad you spoke up. And I totally agree, there is more to give a person purpose in later life than grandchildren. Ugh to your friend.
ReplyDelete