Most of people deleted me (and my husband) from their invitation lists. I can't blame them. We have skipped countless kids' birthdays and other events that included mainly families with kids.
But there is one exception, my cousin. I declined her invitation to 13 birthday parties of her two kids and yet, she still sent us an invitation. It wasn't kids' birthday, it was family occasion. So I thought we could go, just to show gratitude for not deleting us from their lives.
We went and it was OK. Yes, there was some silly comments that I hated. Like - now you have to make the third child! (it was said by the mother of three to my cousin).
There were approximately 10 kids under 10. When I couldn't listen to adults any more, I just accepted kids' invitation to play outside (hide & seek) and it was great fun!
I am still not 100 % functional among adults (and I guess I will never be, I am already having some issues with new "grannies" who are only like few years older then me). But among children - at least the ones above 3 years - I feel perfectly fine.
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Count your blessings is the expression that I love. One of my blessings is time spent with my mom's cousin who has cancer. I have been bringing her books from the library for the last few years. I am also keeping list (well, it is copy-paste from the library system) where she marks me all the books she loved the most. So far I brought her around 300 books. I love talking to her. About books. About life.
The last time I visited her she said that she knows how much I wished to have children of my own (=I never talked about my infertility with her), but that she just wanted me to know something. She said that once an older friend told her something and it stayed with her because it is so true: "When your children are little, they drink your milk. When they grow up, they drink your blood."
She knows what she is talking about. She has a son who hasn't spoken to her for more then a decade.
We both had tears in our eyes when we talked. Me because of my unfulfilled dreams. She because of the pain caused by her son. It was a therapeutic for both of us.
Aw, now I have tears in my eyes too.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that she let you know that she knows you've been in pain, and that she sees your situation. Sometimes, we just want that recognition that others realise our lives are not so easy. It's sad too that she needed to share her own pain with you. It sounds as if you have a lovely relationship, and now at a deeper level.
PS. Good for you going to the social event, and for enjoying being with the kids. Sorry that the adults got annoying - I think we can all understand that!
I think I like your cousin for inviting you to the party, even though the adults were not easy to be around. And I do admire you for playing with the kids when it got too hard.
ReplyDeleteAlso, your bringing books to your mom's cousin must mean so much to her. I am glad (and at the same time also sad) about the conversation you had. You are both very special women.
Oh wow. That saying that your mom's cousin shared with you is very powerful. It makes me think of one of my aunts who tried to get pregnant for years. Then she adopted two children, a son and a daughter. The son is married, has kids, lives near my aunt, and stops by to visit often. The daughter (my cousin who was my best friend growing up) has been estranged from the family for years because of her massively destructive drug addiction. It is very sad for so many reasons.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I also do not feel 100% functional around adults. I have a playful energy and don't have kids (obviously), and I feel like most adults don't take me seriously (despite my education, professional experience, and work ethic). Also like you, I would have thoroughly enjoyed playing hide and seek with the kids! :)
With each passing year, I am invited to things less and less. That's okay though because when I do try to join in on these functions they are so boring anyway. I don't want to talk about hateful politics or potty training.
I look forward to meeting other women without children in real life. But I also like "seeing" everyone here on their blogs. I love to count my blessings and they are many. I love to enjoy the little things in life.