I got an email today from a husband of a friend (from the time of IVFs). He wished me a happy new year and then wrote that sadly his wife passed away few days ago, leaving him alone with their son.
I am so sorry for him. And I am so sorry that a 7-year-old boy will have to grow up without his mother.
I had an amazing support group during the times of all infertility treatments. But one by one they were getting babies (in a country where 6 IVFs are completely free of charge most of the women do get what they wish for). I no longer belonged to their group. They were still nice, inviting me to their events, but I could not - in the darkest days of my infertility - go to meetings where there was only one topic: pregnancies, newborns, toddlers...
So I stopped going to their reunions.
This friend even wrote to me couple of times after the birth of the child. I said congratulations and best wishes for the baby. She invited me to see the baby. Can't really remember what I replied, but probably that I am not ready for meeting the child and that I will get back to her when I am ready.
I wasn't ready for many years and when I was ready, I forgot about her and she forgot about me. But yet ... my email was somewhere there for her husband to find and let me know about the tragedy.
If you didn't go through infertility you probably think I am selfish b****.
If you did go, then you understand... it is self-preservation. Without it I literally could not survive accepting childless life after the infertility.
I sent email with condolences to her husband and their little boy.
And I will lit a little candle in her memory now.
I can't do anything else.
Oh, that's so sad. You're right though. You weren't being selfish, just exercising self-preservation.
ReplyDeleteThe important thing is that you can remember the time when you were all supporting each other, when you all shared so much, when you were so important to each other. That was precious.
I fully understand and I'm quite sure I would have reacted the same way as you did.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss though, and for this man and their child. Sending my thoughts to them.
That is very sad. :( I am sure she understood why you had a difficult time contacting her, though. Thinking of all of you.
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