We have our walk&talk date agreed for weekend, but then very last minute she cancelled me since she had other plans (=some friends with kids had a party).
It hurts, being dumped so easily as soon as the better offer arrives.
And you see - all things that I do with my friends, are simple. Like walk & talk dates. Or just long talks over a coffee. I never organize any exciting parties (=infertility robbed me of lot of things; in reality I don't have many people left). So I can not compete with grand plans that other people are offering.
What I realized this week is this: I always thought that when my friends' children will grow up, I will get my friends back. But then I realized - the mothers who focus so much on their children, will also focus that much on their grandchildren. Which basically means I could get my friends truly back when their kids are 20, but only for about 7 years, until the time that the first grandchildren will start to arrive.
I'd better start to enjoy my alone time. Luckily with this handsome guy I am never alone (photo taken on Saturday, on our 4-hour-walk):
Dear Klara, I am so sorry that your meeting was cancelled. How rude of your friend! It is insulting and it hurts, too. You deserve to be cherished by your friends!
ReplyDeleteAahw, Wolfie is just great. I am glad that you are his favourite person! I would love to go for a walk with the two of you :-).
dear Elaine, thank you for your kind comment. I do hope you will one day sit on a train and come for a long walk with Wolfie & me. I would love to meet you in person one day!
DeleteI'm so sorry that your friend cancelled. I hate it when people don't value your time. I'm glad that your friend doesn't know about your blog and I am glad that none of my friends that I know in person don't know either.
ReplyDeleteI don't know your friend, of course, but I don't think it's a question of you being the less exciting option. I think she maybe feels a greater need to be seen at the party and to keep up her relationship with those people. As BnB says, she places greater value on that contact. I think she is probably terribly misguided in that respect, as I can't imagine that her other friend would be more loyal and precious than you :)
ReplyDeleteHow do you know that you are Wolfie's favorite? I am always trying to work this out with my dog. Unfortunately, being a female dog, I think my husband is both her master and her favorite :(
Wolfie is so funny - when he sees me - his barking is literally combined with singing. So funny. And he sings only to me. I will make a video one day for you.
DeleteBut I agree - since I am a woman he is a male dog... it is easier to be his favourite. My husband jokes that he is mommy's boy :) Not that I am one of the people who treat pets as a substitute for kids.
I am so sorry Klara. This has happened to me too. It really hurts my feelings. I enjoy simple hanging out dates with my friends. Just walking and talking sounds perfect to me.
ReplyDeleteMy best friend lives 8 hours away from me. She is actually the only person (other than my husband) I told about my blog, but I don't think she even reads it. She does not have children either after wanting them, so she understands what most other people don't. She is also 12 years older than me. She told me to expect my friends to be older or younger than me, that the ones my age will be busy being "Mommies." I am now making a new good friend in school and she is 13 years younger than me. And when I stop and think about it, the people that make time for me ARE either older or younger.
I wish for you to feel important to your friends. You deserve it. You are so kind and compassionate and you do cool things like go on beautiful hikes and eat delicious food. I hope my comment is not too long. This post just really touched my heart.
dear Phoenix, thank you for your kind comment. And - I love long comments!
DeleteArgh! It's frustrating when you feel you are sidelined, simply because you are more flexible/easily cancelled. I constantly feel that my flexibility means that I'm taken for granted, but it could just be my inferiority complex that makes me feel that way! (Maybe she had to take the children to the party, and so couldn't meet you?)
ReplyDeleteMy best friend is a grandmother. I got her back once her children had left school, and if I don't see her quite as often these days, it is because she is caring for elderly parents rather than her grand-kids. Of course, that raises another isse for us all, but this friend has also spent a lot of time caring for a childless aunt and uncle too.
So maybe it won't be quite as bad as you think. I hope not. Sending hugs.
I haven't told any friends about my blog even though I'm tempted now and again - something always stops me.. I worry about the grandchildren situation. I'm sorry to say it but women become morons over their grandkids. I had a good relationship with my aunt until she got hers, and started making comments like "What else is there when you're my age?" and "They are the light of my life" and all that. From a regular relationship I might now speak to her only once a year. It's a shame. I dread my sister getting them (although I can't wait for my niece to have them) because she'll be the world's smuggest granny on Facebook.
ReplyDeleteHow I hate comments like "They are the light of my life". It hurts!
ReplyDeleteI told my penpal of 40 years who is childfree by choice about my blog, and the women on my Yahoo group for childless women, who have been my support for almost 16 years now. And dh, of course. Other than that, I don't think I've told anyone about my blog. There was a fiasco a few years back when a distant cousin found a post from my blog that I'd written about my grandparents, & put a link to it on our family Facebook page (!). I think only a few people saw it -- I deleted her post (I'm one of the group admins, so I could do that, lol) and took my blog offline for about a week until I felt like things had settled down & people had probably forgotten about it. My mother asked about it & I just told her that it was something that I didn't want to share with people & had deleted. I am hoping she left it at that. I sometimes suspect my sister (childfree by choice) may have discovered it -- she's pretty tech-savvy -- but if she has, she's never really let on. And that's fine with me! ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your plans being cancelled. That happened to me a while ago too. I was meant to meet a friend (who has a child) for lunch and it had already taken several weeks just to find a day she was available but then she cancelled last minute when she heard other friends with kids were all going to the pool together for a family day.She suggested I come along to that but I couldn't think of anything worse than being the only one without kids at a big family event!
ReplyDelete