Thursday, June 12, 2014

Turning small talk to real talk

The goodbye party at the business event that I attended last weekend was really nice. Lots of delicious food. Beautiful beach. Blue sea. 5 star hotel. Tasty prosecco. Chatting to people that I met only two days before.

I started to chat with a kind woman, I thought she was my age (but it turned out she was 10 years older).  I found out she had three kids really young, so her children are already 25 - 30. Her face became filled with love when she was talking about them. Based on what she described me, I could picture myself her picture perfect family. A beautiful house. 3 kids. A successful husband. 

Then suddenly there was a question (she knew I was married since I mentioned our beautiful honeymoon 11 years ago): "So, do you have any children?" 
Me: "No."
She: "Well, you are still young, you have time."***
Me: "I am not young. We won't have children."
She (horrified): "You do not want to have children?????????????"
Me: "I do have 10 dead babies."

You should see the shock in her eyes. I did not plan to use this sentence again, it just came from the deepest part of my broken heart that will probably hurt for good.

She started to apologizing. And I said it is OK. That something life isn't as planned, but that you have to make the most of it. And that I was really broken, but I learn to accept my life as it is and live it to the fullest.

And then, suddenly, she started to talk to me. Really talk. She said that she always thought that having all that she and her husband have, will bring them complete satisfaction. And she is more then happy with what she has in life. But it has never been enough for his husband  - he has been having constant affairs for decades.  

So yes. Even what seems to be a picture perfect family, it is not necessarily so. 

And after that - our real conversation (continued with the dinner) began. I really had a lovely evening with that mother of three.

***Later on she told me that she thought I was 30 :)


  1. You look 30!!

    I'm so glad that being honest and open was well received and turned into a real conversation and connection with a genuinely niceerson.

    1. Thanks Mali. Which cocktail do you drink, so I will order one for you :)

  2. Oh, I often wonder why people think we don't like kids just because we don't have children, but I'm glad you managed to get a real conversation with her. And to be thought as a 30-year-old is a plus HE HE HE HE HE HE...

  3. I agree, nice to be thought to be 30:) Very sad for her that her husband has all the affairs.

  4. I am glad you spoke up, and glad that she responded as she did. I think you both learned something! :)