Tuesday, June 24, 2014

I am the worst nightmare

A year and a half ago I met in a shopping centre a really nice girl that I knew from work. She worked in another company, but we worked together on many projects together ten to five years ago. We liked working together, sometimes we joked we are dream team. Then I changed work and we lost a contact. 

We were glad to see each other, we went for a coffee. We started to talk and we had the first personal talk ever. It turned out that she was just after fourth failed IVF cycle. 

I told her my story. It felt good to talk. We said to meet soon. 

After few weeks I sent her a message, inviting her for a coffee to my town. She declined, saying she was very busy at work and would call me. She never did.  I never invited her again, because I assumed I knew the reason.

And today, checking out my FB profile, it turned out that I was right.

There - on her profile - is a beautiful photo of her newborn daughter, born this morning.  

Yes, I was right. I am the worst nightmare for anybody who is not ready to give up hope of having biological children. I am the proof that sometimes, after fourth failed IVF there is only fifth failed IVF. 

But she was born under a lucky star - her dreams came true. Mine didn't. 

Time to change to my cycling gear and go on a short tour on my bike. It is a great tool to put away all negative thoughts.


  1. (((HUGS))) I'm so sorry for this, Klara. Losing a friend like this hurts, even though it seems that she just didn't want to hurt you by meeting up and/or calling you, but still...

    For what's worth, I think out of the nightmare, you've created such a beautiful life for yourself. You're soul beautiful (borrowing a friend's term), Klara and I'm so glad that through our nightmares, we met online.

    1. dear Amel,
      thank you for your kind words.
      This girl - she was never my friend, she was just a colleague.
      But still...
      kind regards to Finnland!

  2. Sorry, Klara :( Such situations can bring anyone down and ruin a day. Just keep in mind that you are also a hope for anybody who IS ready to give up the IVFs.

    1. dear Obie,
      thank you, I needed kind words today.

  3. I'm sorry I missed this. I agree with Obie though. You are a wonderful inspiration. And yes, it's hard to know that we are not easy for others to see.