I visited few days old nephew in the morning. Since my infertility journey this was the first time that I was actually looking forward to meeting the baby for the first time. I held him for couple of minutes - he was so tiny and warm and beautiful! I played with his older sister. When leaving them I thought - how great, I am healed!
But couple of minutes ago I received the photos from my sister (with me & nephew). It was sad to see the photos - my eyes look so sad! Eyes are reflection of the soul. I thought I was OK, but I am obviously not. I guess I will never be OK.
It will get easier, my friend, I promise! Your infertility wounds are still quite fresh. Your healing needs more time. While your eyes will always contain a certain element of sadness, they will also contain joy. We can't truly experience one without the other...
ReplyDeletethanks, Pamela!
Deletehugs,
Pamela said it beautifully. When my niece was born four years ago, I flew up to stay with my sister to help her for a week (she'd had a c-section, and my niece wasn't well). I can still feel her tiny body as she slept on my chest, as my sister collapsed exhausted in her own bed. It's a precious memory, and yes at times was bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteBut now I get all the joy of a very bright and friendly little girl who loves to laugh. Doesn't mean occasionally I don't get a bit sad. But mostly, I love being her aunt.
(((HUGE HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI wish it was as easy as opening a new door and walking through to heal our wounds. I’m here with you. We can find our way together.
ReplyDeletethanks, girls!
ReplyDeleteWhat Pamela said. I still get pangs now & then when I see & hold other people's babies, but they are fewer & further between than they were 10 years ago.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard, I love my nephews and love spending time with them, but I would say I still find it really hard being 'an aunt'. There is so much envy mixed in there, my relationship with my sister is not good because of this.
ReplyDelete