I went out with two ex-coworkers on Saturday evening. The beginning was nice... we were talking about all the things that happened since our last meeting. We ate delicious banana-chocolate cake. Drank tea.
After a while there was a new topic: difficulties with raising kids. As you can imagine, that's a topic that I really do not have much to contribute. They both have children, the oldest is already 13. And she is already a teenager, trying to emotionally separate herself from her mother. And trying to find her own path. And because of that a friend really suffers.
Anyway, at the end of our date I felt really bad. Both friends know my infertility situation, but none of them really asked me how am I doing. They just used me to listen to ALL their problems. Not fair! I hate it, when I feel lonely among people.
That's why I avoid dates with friends with kids. There are only two friends with kids, that really feel my soul. And they do not hurt my feelings. I like being with them. Otherwise, I prefer to be alone.
Infertility really influences friendships, doesn't it?
Ugh. I got invited to an evening out once with my 2 friends that have little girls close to the same age. They both said they needed an evening of "adult conversation", but then proceeded to talk for 2 hours about daycare. I was so annoyed. Why invite me if all you want to talk about is something I can't contribute to?
ReplyDeleteI found that both of those friends are easier for me to hang out with on a one-on-one basis. Then the conversation isn’t so dominated about a topic I can’t contribute to.
yes, this is also my conclusion: one-on-one dates are much easier to handle!
DeleteYes, infertility influences friendship. Sorry to hear about the date going bad. :-( I don't have many friends here IRL, so I don't really often meet people. The IRL friends I have here don't talk only about their kids. Actually, the kid talk is only a little part of our convos mostly, so it's nice for a change. Other than that I mostly communicate with other people through FB or blogs or emails.
ReplyDeleteYou know, after seeing some gorgeous pics of your country, I'm putting it in my list...not sure yet when we're going to come over, but hopefully we'll be able to meet one day! :-D :-D :-D
dear Amel,
Deletethat would be great!!!!!
Here are some more tourist information:
http://www.slovenia.info/?lng=2&redirected=1
It is really beautiful country!
Yeah, THANKS for the link. Whenever we have any plans about visiting your country, you'll be the first to know! :-D :-D :-D For the time being, though, we have to save money hi hi hi...
Delete"They just used me to listen to ALL their problems." Hmmm. I know the feeling, and it is insulting, but it's not unique to parents and the infertile. I met a friend recently and I listened all night to the theories of her new man about her ex, or about her daughter's reaction to her new man. When I suggested that the almost 15 year old would know or have guessed that her mother (my friend) was sleeping with her new man (they've been together 18 months), I was told I didn't know what I was talking about. Fortunately, I wasn't told "you're not a mother" but it was close!
ReplyDeleteOh my God! Yes, this is insulting.
DeleteDo you have to HAVE a child to know something about human relationships?
Your friend obviously knows very little about teenagers.