Friday, February 1, 2019

Invisible

I have quit going out with some friends where I felt invisible. But then there are people you can't escape - like coworkers.

I often go for work lunch with a group of coworkers. They are all nice, kind and intelligent women. And they are also all mothers of children aged 2 to 14.

I don't mind some talk  about children. I understand that - the children are the most important part of their lives.

Today's lunch talk was plain awful. One started to talk about her birth control - she uses an intrauterine device that contains the hormone. And than she asked 5 of us at the same table casually: "I guess all of you use this method?"   

What could I reply to a silly question like this? I remained silent.

They all confirmed and started to go into lots of details.

I sat there for a while and felt completely invisible. 

I was envious. Not of their healthy children. But of how easy it is to connect with everybody if you have a "normal" life.   And once again it made me realize what an awkward person must I  seem to the rest. 

When I had enough, I thought of how to excuse myself. But I was so fed up, that I just didn't care. I just slipped from the table and went back to work. 

***

That's why I love coming home. Here I am safe.

5 comments:

  1. Dear Klara, I'm so sorry you had to go through this! Yes, I guess we will always feel different. While it used to make me suffer, today it just really bores me when I have to attend a conversation to which I cannot participate. It sometimes also makes me angry when people don't even notice that somebody is completely excluded from the conversation.
    I think you were right just to go without explanation. I also do the same when I feel I cannot stand it anymore and most people don't even notice I'm gone (once I did it with a WhatsApp group, and nobody saw it :)
    I wish you a lovely weekend!

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  2. Dear Klara, I am very sorry, too. I know the feeling of being invisible. Sending hugs!
    I am glad you have a beautiful house to go home to after a bad day.
    Wishing you a relaxing Sunday

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  3. You're safe at home. And here too.
    Good grief, your coworkers drive me crazy! Do they ever talk about anything other than children, having them or trying not to have them? Argh.

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  4. I hate it when this happens. It stirs up different emotions for me. I never understood why before, but you just explained it to me so thank you. It's the fact that it's so easy for everyone else to just belong and go along and it's the fact that a conversation can be happening where everyone except one person can contribute and nobody notices. It's all the little things that add up and make me tired. And I love coming home too. <3

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  5. What a bunch of idiots. I'm glad I read this because I've been pondering over this topic in my own head. While I am fine with not having children and I really don't miss them in my life at 47, there is the eternal issue of being the 'odd one out', the only one at the table who is different from the others. I'm introverted so luckily I hate group meetings anyway, but there are situations that can't be avoided. My preoccupation now is how to 'own it' and not to feel uncomfortable with a group of mother, but it's easier said than done. Like you, I'm not envious of their children (far from it!), but I'm envious of the ease at which they can connect with one another. You're not alone!

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