Friday, December 15, 2017
Since I try to save as much money as possible for "our little house" project, this year my husband and I didn't spend a lot for our holidays. The only overnight stays that we paid were 2 nights while cycling in Austria.
And yet, I am fortunate to have a job where I can travel often. I have just returned from Italy. Italy in December with all the Christmas lights is just beautiful!
I have been doing really well this December. Not that many years ago, when in the darkest years of my infertility, I really suffered in December. Now I am getting my life back which means I am enjoying December.
There are moments that hurt (and there always will be). Like feeling trapped in work lunch where all women are in the age group 30 - 45 and all they can talk is about their children's school and homeworks. Not long ago I would be depressed for days after.
Now I just thought it is sad for them if they are not capable of any other theme than this.
Me for example:
- I don't even mention my beloved Wolf to people who are dogless :)
- I don't talk about my husband, about beautiful things we did together previous weekend to my girlfriends who are single
- I don't talk about nice afternoon that I spent with my brother to a friend whose brother passed away or to a friend who lost her brother because of possessive sister-in-low
- I don't talk about beautiful gardening days that I spent in summer with my mom to friends whose mothers sadly passed away
- I don't talk about my plans to travel to a) Paris and Normandy and Provance and b) New Zealand as soon as the house is built and at least partly paid off to friends who earn very little and can't ever afford any holidays
- I don't talk about my sport projects to a friend who has multiple sclerosis and who hardly walks
If infertility didn't come to my life, I would probably be the same as most people. But now I am not. I am glad to have this feeling what to say (or not to say) to people. I like to be compassionate. But sometimes it makes me angry - why can't the rest of the world be compassionate with me?