Thursday, May 18, 2017

Having lots of money and no children

I spent a whole day with my mom, working on my vegetables' garden. It was nice, I am still learning so much from her. We had a lot of time to talk and this is the story that my mom told me.

My mom recently talked to my niece (aged 9) and the niece asked her how come that in her best friend's family there are 4 children and in her family there are only 2.
My mom replied that each person should have as many children as one can afford.
My niece said: "But Klara has a lot of money* and she doesn't have any children!"
My mom told her: "Everybody decides for him/herself. And you should never ask this Klara unless you want her to be sad."

I didn't comment anything.

You see, I never talked to my mom about my infertily.
When can you start talking about it? After it doesn't work out for few months? After first few medical examinations? Before 1st IVF? After 10th failed IVF?

And now my beloved niece has already knowledge how you deal with infertility (and other unpleasant issues) in family: you don't talk about. You pretend that nothing happened.

This makes me sad.

* A note: I don't have a lot of money. But to a child an aunt that can easily pay for the icecream and cakes for 5 children equals being rich :)


  1. Ouch!

    I agree, it is sad that infertility isn't part of the conversation. Maybe someday, if it feels right in the moment, you will be able to have a conversation with your niece.

  2. Dear Klara, I can see why this makes you sad. On the other hand, I like how your mother is protecting you. Obviously - even though you never told her - she knows that this topic is hard for you. So this (to me) seems like a small comfort.

    I think you can start talking about it whenever you're ready. This is what I found out about my own family. I had to make the first step. It isn't an easy one. Once the words were out, it was a relief though.

    Sending hugs!