Thursday, July 9, 2015
I love hot summer days. There are so much things to do. I always lack time in the summer.
I am very well. Most of the time I am feeling happy, positive and just enjoying life. But then there are some events that remind me that I am not healed and I will probably never be.
I went cycling with my best girl-friend few days ago in the evening, when the heat was easier to handle. We both enjoyed our cycling & talking date a lot. I was telling her how lovely it is to have her back. When her kids were little, it was impossible for her to escape on Sunday evening for two whole hours. We talked, we laughed. Then, we passed by her parents' house and her mom was outside. My friend greeted her: "Hi granny." It made me sad and angry. Why can't she address her mom as she always did, as mom? She is, after all, her mom. Her grannies died long ago.
I didn't say anything. After all, I can't always give her instructions and limitations. And I know, I probably hurt her during the years of struggling with infertility (never on purpose, but I know I did, like declining to visit her when she was pregnant).
Opening the magazine and there was a title on it: "Kids change your black&white world to a colourful one".
I resent to accept any person with children to address my world as a black&white.
I met in the supermarket an ex co-worker who retired more then 10 years ago. I always liked her. I greeted her and asked her how she was. She proudly showed me her shopping chart - it was full of diapers (obviously I hadn't noticed that before). She said happily and proudly: "As you can see, I am very busy."
It hurt. Not only that I will always miss having children. I will also miss having grandchildren.
I recently read an article about a famous person, who was describing one of her dearest friends how lovely person she is. "She is so kind that she asks everybody if they have children, even taxi drivers. And she wants to know the kids' names."
And you are calling that nice - bothering all the childless people if they have children?? I know people with kids love that question. But - we don't.
Some days of working and then it is time for my favourite place on Earth: island Brač, Dalmatia, Croatia (one of the photos from previous years attached).