I spent yesterday afternoon my parent's house, together with my four nephews, aged from 6 months to five years. It was lovely. Very crowdy, vivid and loud. Me & DH came back home completely exhausted. It was lovely to come to our quiet apartment to have our peace.
Today afternoon my sister came for a visit with her little ones (6 months, 3 years). It was lovely. I do not want to boast, but I really am good with children. They love me. I know how to talk to children, I always did.
It is lovely to be able to enjoy company of other people's children. I was not able to do that for the first 5 - 7 years of our infertility path.
I guess I am quite OK with being childless.
The only thing that really hurts me are casual remarks of different people who regard my life less important (or even worthless) just because I do not have children of my own.
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Today I read Mali's post The barren aunt and I just loved it:
http://nokiddinginnz.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-barren-aunt.html
I'm glad you could enjoy your nieces/nephews. I think it is a mark of growth and acceptance. It doesn't necessarily mean you are good with being childless (though you might well be), but I think it means we don't let our own situations interfere with the joy we can take from simply being with children, any children.
ReplyDeleteI have a nephew and a niece, and was always a close part of their lives. They were born when I was 19 and 23, before I realized or could even imagine that I would never have children of my own. I don't know if things would have been different had they been born now, or a few years ago, what sort of jealousies, bitterness, or difficulties that situation could have brought about. But, they have certainly been among the biggest joys in my life. I'm glad that you have had a chance to enjoy them and that you can also appreciate the serenity and peace that your quiet apartment bring! :)
ReplyDeleteContrary to you, I've never spent too much time with kids, so there was this lingering question if I'd ever be good with kids or not...but that doesn't matter much 'coz of our childless state he he he he...and I'm far away from my nephews (nephews from hubby's side are already almost adults anyway).
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you've had chances to enjoy spending time with your nephews and nieces, though. :-)
I have a lot of children in my life, too, and it's wonderful spending time with them. I still have a pang of pain sometimes but they are getting fewer and fewer as I get older.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's always so lovely to give them back and come home to peace and my cat at the end of the day!
nice to read your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteIt is still painful to look back, especially in the time before birth of first two nieces. I was in the most agonzing years with accepting my infertility... and then come two happy news... I just couldn't be happy. Everything was painful, especially the first visit at newborn baby. I prefer not to dig into that memories.
Luckily the darkest years of infertility are already far away. I still am not completely OK, but definetely much better!
Yeah, luckily it DOES get better as time goes by. I also still remember how my friend's surprise pregnancy (she has PCOS) triggered the worst moment in my IF life he he...
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