My Christmas wish

 

I have the same Christmas wish as the last nine years. 

I would like to receive an email from you. 

To know who you are. 

Where you come from. 

Why you read my blog. 

What my blog means to you. 

Has it helped you in any way?

 I promise not to publish your email or misuse it in any way. 

And I promise to write back!

 My email: klara.soncek (at) gmail.com 

I am looking forward to Christmas :)

 

PS: on the photo:  Piran & Christmas lights

Notre Dame

 

The photo was taken just a few weeks ago on my business trip.  

I have been visiting Paris at least once a year for the past five years. I feel privileged to have been able to follow the restoration process and I am very happy that it is now complete.

To see world jewels like Notre Dame is simply priceless!

All the unrecognised losses

I went on a teambuilding & New Year's party with colleagues.

One of the highlights was a visit to the beautiful seaside town of Piran. The company organised a short concert for us.

The classical music was nice. I was listening to the music when suddenly I was overcome by sadness. There was something about the artist that reminded me so much of my beloved nephew who had died. All the sadness that I thought I had left behind just came back. Just because of this perfect music in the perfect place.

On the outside - I hadn't lost anything. He wasn't even my nephew, he was my husband's nephew.

But I had lost so much. I had loved this boy since the day I met him.
***
It made me think of all the other unrecognised losses.

And in spite of all these losses, I want to live. And when it is hard, I just take it one day at a time.  

 

 

Riva del Garda, Lake Garda

 

I am sharing a beautiful photo from my recent work trip. The north of Lake Garda is breathtakingly beautiful! 

This is one of the silver linings of being childless. I always have time for a new business trip whenever there is an opportunity to attend something. I never say no :)

 

Just the Two of Us

 

I love long walks in nature so much!

Yesterday we went for a long hike in the Triglav National Park, we walked around the beautiful alpine lake Bohinj.

Can you see the shadows of me & my husband on the photo <3?

I took the photo from the bridge, which is very close to where the Savica stream flows into Lake Bohinj.

Colourful life

 

There are so many things I want to write.

First, the unpleasant.

I knew that a colleague of mine (a mother of three teenagers) was going through breast cancer treatment, so I called her to wish her well.  One of the things she told me was that she had a regular annual check-up with her gynaecologist and she was told that her womb looked like a woman 15 years younger and that she could easily have one or two more children.

She knows about my infertility, all the failed IVFs and all the suffering.  Only a mean person could say that to a childless woman. I am so fed up with her. I feel sorry regarding her cancer, but I won't phone her again.

*****

A lovely story.

I had a nice day at work with my colleagues. We were working hard, but we took a few minutes off to get some fresh air and talk about the things we do in our spare time.

One of the colleagues (a mother of two teenage daughters) said out loud: "I would like to be like Klara. She doesn't wait for anyone - she just does things and knows how to actively enjoy her free time".

I loved her for her kind comment.

It is very true. My husband works much harder and longer hours - so I do things (like going for a long walk or cycling alone).

I returned her kind comment and said: "And I would love to be just like you - a mother of two beautiful, kind girls".  

I didn't feel blue afterwards.

I love my life.  And being childless - well, it is just part of my life.

*****

A photo above: was taken yesterday, I took my cousin's daughter for a 1-day road trip. We visited many beautiful places, the highlight being Grado, Italy. The trip was my gift for her confirmation. It was just priceless to spend a day with her. I am very glad that she accepted my gift!

Finding comfort in small, beautiful things

 

I am feeling blue, I have just heard that my dearest colleague at work has resigned. I am happy for her that she has found the courage to follow her dreams. She will be working for another two months, but I miss her already.

I decided a long time ago that I don't want to do injustice to my life, I don't want to compare it.

But still.

I thought about all the things my dear colleague has achieved in the last 14 years.  Her list is long, the highlights are her two beautiful, healthy children. I know how busy her days have been, juggling work and family.

But maybe those things are easy compared to the soul crushing disappointment that people face when huge insurmountable losses must be navigated.  

****

That last sentence isn't mine, it was written by a dear pen friend of mine. I loved her sentence so much that I wrote it down here. If you are reading this... thank you for being my penfriend for more than a decade <3

****

For the last 14 years I have been through the hell of infertility. My dreams, hopes, heart and soul have been crushed a million times. And yet I found the strength and courage to put (most of the) broken pieces together and carry on. I am proud of that.

****

As always, when I feel blue. I try to find comfort in small, beautiful things. Like a beautiful pumpkin & zinnia from our vegetable garden. The pumpkin & potato soup with fresh herbs was simply delicious!