“One thing that has surprised Julie about going through the
process of watching herself die is how vivid her world has become.
Everything that she used to take for granted produces a sense of
revelation, as if she were a child again. Tastes- the sweetness of a
strawberry, it’s juice dripping onto her chin; a buttery pastry melting
in her mouth. Smells - flowers on a front lawn, a colleague‘s perfume,
seaweed washed up on the shore, Matt’s sweaty body in bed at night.
Sounds – the strings on a cello, the screech of a car, her nephew’s
laughter. Experiences - dancing at a birthday party, people-watching at
Starbucks, buying a cute dress, opening the mail. All of this, no matter
how mundane, delights her to no end. She’s become hyper-present. When
people delude themselves into believing they have all the time in the
world, she noticed, they get lazy. She hadn’t expected to experience
this pleasure in her grief, to find it invigorating, in a way. But even
as she’s dying, she’s realized, life goes on - even as the cancer
invades her body, she still checks Twitter. At first she thought, why
would I waste even ten minutes of the time I have left checking Twitter?
And then she thought, why wouldn’t I? I like Twitter! She also tries
not to dwell on what she’s losing. “I can breathe fine now, “Julie says,
“but it’ll get harder, and I’ll grieve for that. Until then, I
breathe.”
―
―
Oh no, I hope you feel better! I have been hearing of more and more people coming down with COVID. I wish it would just go away but I know that's not realistic.
ReplyDeleteI read this book too, a while back -- it was SOOOO good. I love the snippet you've chosen to share here. In the same vein is a book I loved years and years ago, another memoir, called I Never Promised You A Goodie Bag by Jennifer Gilbert. She is the survivor of a vicious and violent attack that changes her life, and I love how she deals with the grief and loss of the life she thought she'd have and finds a new life in the aftermath. Also it was fascinating to read about someone whose job is to put together those goodie bags of swag for fancy events.
I hope you are back to health soon!
Oh, that's an interesting quote. I'm sorry to hear you've been sick. I'm glad you had a good holiday before that, and I hope you are feeling better every day. <3
ReplyDeleteOh no, I'm so sorry you have/have had covid, and felt so horrible. I hope you're getting better soon, but don't rush it. Look after yourself, and take it easy! Sending good vibes across the planet to you!
ReplyDeleteI need to read this book, clearly. I love that phrase. It reflects a little of how I felt when I was recovering from my second ectopic, actually.
And oh, how lovely to read a good book on a beach. It's been too long since I have done that!
Dear Klara,
ReplyDeleteI had tried to comment earlier but somehow my comment didn't make it?
So I will try again...
I am sorry you got sick and hope you feel much better now!
Thank you for sharing the happy memories.
Wishing you a lovely Sunday!