Wednesday, March 10, 2021

Childless Elderwomen


I listened to Jody Day's "Childless Elderwomen" conversations. Both are just brilliant and I am already looking forward to the next one:


There are many parts that touched me, this is one of those:

"Going back to those women in their thirties and forties - that’s one of the things I would say to them is because it blindsided me, and many of the women that are in my online community. We talk about it and write about it all the time. This is my own theory and okay, maybe this'll be part of my 500 words - about ‘getting your girlfriends back’ - when their children go off to college, suddenly they have time for you again, they have a little bit of free money to go to the movies again.

You get your girlfriends back and then, just as you settle into that comfort, the grandchildren arrive and you lose them all over again. The difference is that now you're in your forties and you didn't see it coming, and you can offer, “Oh, I'll go with you with your grandchildren,” but it's exactly like it was in your thirties, you just got more grey hair - they don't really want you around, the grandchildren came. And when you do get your girlfriend alone, all she wants to talk about are the grandchildren.

That's one of the things I am going to say real quick again about our conferences at The NotMom summits - women kept saying to me that they never realized that in their private real lives at home, when another woman would pull out their wallet, they would sort of cringe up because they’d anticipate being shown their kids or their grandkids. But for those three days, people were whipping out their wallets or their phones and were showing pictures of their gardens and their dogs and their cats!

It really showed all of us that much like ... I'm sorry, I think it was Jackie said, is that once you find other people who are more like you, you can put your shoulders back down and feel not just accepted, but seen. .Because without grandchildren, and since we are heading to a place where grey hair makes you invisible. Now you get with your girlfriends and you're invisible again because you don't have any little people to show pictures of."

by  Karen Malone Wright


What I loved the most is the energy, love, wisdom, joy and humour that the women had. I do hope I will be as cool in 20 years!  


I decided that from now on most of my posts will be accompanied by a photo that I took lately. My husband's dog wasn't sure what I was doing, so this is his contribution to taking photo :)


  1. Aren't they a wonderful group?? I am looking forward to the next conversation next weekend!

  2. There is a real freedom to associating with other women and just talking about our lives without the constant references to children/grandchildren.

  3. Yes! A photo with each post!! :) You know I love your pictures.

  4. Ah! I just finished a two-hour Zoom session with 23 women in the San Francisco Bay area as the featured 'Post-IVF Elderwoman!'

    We must be a 'thing' now? It was sorta challenging on a few levels to be so personal with women I'd not yet met or communicated with, but I mentioned how one of the silver linings in all of the pain and difficulty was getting to know so many wonderful women over several years around the world who understood deeply everything I'd felt and experienced. p.s. I also told them that my first international trip to meet another fellow blogger was to Slovenia. I told them it was a beautiful country full of people with big hearts. xx

    1. Dear Pamela, it brings so many beautiful memories... of your first international trip to meet another fellow blogger. Can't believe it was 10 years ago, the years are passing by so quickly.
      May I ask - will your zoom session be available also for others to watch? Of course I understand if not, but if it will be... I would love to watch it.

  5. That is amazing. That idea of letting your shoulders settle because you are in the company of Your People. The bookended babies and grandchildren is so hard... So many milestones that point out what was lost. And so important to builds a community of people who have like experiences!
    I have such flower envy, those primroses are GORGEOUS! We're getting closer every day to having some flowers, finally. 💚

    1. Dear Jess, thank you for teaching me the names of the flowers. Primroses are everywhere around... and yet I never knew their name in English. I am happy to know now!