I had a lovely time yesterday evening, I took my little nephew (aged 4) and niece (aged 5) to the capital, to see the carnival for kids. There were many magical creatures (polar bears, elves, reindeers ...) who were giving out free candies and it was the best thing possible :)
And Dedek Mraz / Ded Moroz in Russia / is Slavic version of Santa Claus / passed by in a carriage with two beautiful white horses and waved to them. That was awesome as well!
The train ride: was great.
I like to be an auntie who doesn't buy material gifts* but instead gives wonderful little adventures. Since I have seen way to often adults who have "good" relationships with their own childless aunts only because of material benefits. Sadly, also in my own family.
*the only exception to the rule = books
Ljubljana is just breathtaking beautiful in December. Here is video:
https://vimeo.com/194697349
Today's plan: I am taking the older girls (aged 7 and 9) ice skating this morning. I am looking forward to it already!
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The best part of yesterday: I didn't feel any sadness at all. I guess I have already learnt (and it took me a whole decade!) that I have to cherish the life that I have, not to mourn the life that just wasn't meant to be mine.
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This December I talked to couple of friends who have both young children of their own and young nieces and nephews. I asked them if they can compare love that they feel to their own children to love that they feel to their nieces/nephews. The answers were different, but they ranged from:
"I love my children twice as much as my nieces/nephews" to "I love my children hundred times more"
I guess that's why childless aunts are special (if the children parents allow this, but this is another topic). And I guess that's why I was never anything special for my own two aunts who have children of their own.
Dear Klara, Happy New Year to you! I am sure you are a wonderful auntie... :-)! What a great idea to give adventures instead of material gifts! And I am so glad that spending time with the kids didn't make you sad. This is progress!
ReplyDeleteA recent conversation I had with a friend boilt down to this: Essentially, her children are an extension (or part) of herself. So when she loves them she loves herself in some way. It makes complete sense then that the friends you asked all said that they loved their own children much more than anyone else's.
I guess the relationships with uncles, aunts or even friends of our parents depend very much on the interest that these people have in us as a child. There are friends of my parents who are in no way related to us and have three (now grown-up) kids themselves. But since they always took a genuine interest in my opinions and my life, they have become my own friends, too. This does mean that there is a very good chance for us to have relationships with other people's kids, even as they grow up. All it takes is our interest and being ready to really look at and listen to them. That's the conclusion I came to ;-).
dear Elaine, I really like your conclusion, I agree with you. A happy New Year to you too!
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Well, I am quite jealous of your niece and nephew, because I like the idea of exploring Ljubljana with you in the winter! I have always been someone who has preferred experiences to material things, so I think that your nieces and nephew are very lucky. It's not just the experience, you see, it's the love and time you put into being with them. I think that's important, and will stay with them.
ReplyDeleteI think the fact that parents are so focused on their own children means that in general they can't be focused on their nieces and nephews. I wasn't close to any of my aunts or uncles for that reason, I am sure. There were so many of us (cousins) that we never felt special - usually we just felt as if we were in the way! That's the gift we (you, me, all our readers) have to give to our nieces and nephews and children of our friends/neighbours/colleagues.
dear Mali, thank you for your comment. And - I am glad that I wasn't the only one that wasn't close to any of aunts/uncles.
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