Sunday, December 27, 2015

With In Vitro Fertilization, Persistence Pays Off?

I just read this article:

Sentence from the article:
"Nearly two-thirds of women undergoing I.V.F. will have a child by the sixth attempt, suggesting that persistence can pay off, especially for women under 40."

If I wrote this article, my sentence would be:
More then one third of women undergoing I.V.F. will NOT have a child by the sixth attempt.

I am already 40+, so it doesn't really make sense for me to read articles like this. It doesn't matter any more, at least not for me.

I took my cousin's kids (aged 3 and 6) for a fun day, we attended some animation programme for the kids. It was my Christmas gift for them (what I wanted to give them were nice experiences & lovely memories / kids now have enough of material things anyway).
It was nice.  But at the end of the day I felt empty. It is hard to see what infertility took away from me, for good.

In the last few days I got some beautiful emails, thank you. I was deeply touched when reading them.


  1. I read this the other day (and saw it on the news)and want to pull up the full text of the actual research article. What I wonder is if they looked at the emotional health of women/couples who underwent 10 rounds of IVF. What I really think is that this really adds steam to the "don't ever give up" message, when the reality is that it is ok to stop, to say "We've had enough." Also, at least here in the US where IVF is seldom covered by insurance, I think that studies like this promote financial irresponsibility, not to mention potential long-term health consequences.

    Many hugs to you! I know that empty feeling so well. I think that you're pretty awesome for giving the kids in your life memories.

  2. I can't imagine so many cycles, just devastating. I am a pediatric physical therapist on a developmental assessment team, and we do see that kids from in vitro seem to possibly have more problems.

    As for your visit with your cousin's children, I know that sometimes the pain just comes flooding in for me, even though overall things have improved over the years. I try to just resign myself to the fact that there will always be some pain.

  3. The article at least addresses the emotional and financial issues. "But while some infertile couples may find the result reassuring, experts noted, many others are likely to struggle with the expense and emotional upheaval of repeated treatments."

    I had to try IVF as a private patient, because I was 40. We couldn't have done six cycles, financially or - I think - emotionally.

  4. PS. Hugs. Sometimes visits with children can be restorative. Sometimes, they just remind us of what we've lost.

  5. I was an emotional basket case after the first attempt! We drew the line after the embryo transfers/implants failed. In the years immediately following, I did question whether it was the right decision. Looking back now with a lot more balance and objectivity, it was the right decision. The emotional, health and relationship ramifications if we had continued don’t bear thinking about.

    Great idea to give the experience/memories to them. It can become ‘your thing’ to do with them.
    We used to do a movie night twice a year – up to 10 nephews/nieces, sleeping bags all over the floor, movies playing till the early hours of the morning.

    Sometimes it was hard, watching them all leave the next morning.
    The kids are all much older now and we haven’t done a movie night in years but I do get a great sense of satisfaction when they do occasionally reminisce amongst themselves about the great times they had at those nights.

    It still hurts but we move on slowly with some nice memories to look back on.

  6. I read that article too, and was extremely annoyed. As BentNotBroken notices it, it does indeed fuel the "don't give up message" but it shouldn't: if you look closer at the stats they claim, what you'll see is that among the 1/3 of women that are not pregnant after the 6th IVF round, even if some will eventually get pregnant if they keep going another few rounds, an overwhelming majority of them will not ever get pregnant. I hate that kind of journalism and am very disappointed in the NYTimes for publishing it, they give you some number with a lame mathematical information to force some message down your throat.