Thursday, February 12, 2015

Missing my daughter

I love my cousin. But sometimes I think I should give her a book with instructions what she is allowed to talk to me and what not.

Her 5-year-old daughter left today for a week with her kindergarten, to learn how to ski.
(skiing is a huge sport in my country - I don't really ski - but I am a big fan of our Tina:

Anyway, my cousin resent me today some photos showing her daughter learning how to ski. Extra sweet photos! And she wrote me an essay how horribly quiet and empty her home is without her daughter. How she misses her. Etc. Etc.

Yes, my cousin would need a manual with a title "How to handle infertile cousins".

Obviously I understand she misses her daughter.

But how can she not understand that I miss my daughter every day. Her name would be Lucija.
If all of my wishes came true, she would be now 11 years old (there are 12 years since our honeymoon).
If my first IVF worked out, Lucija would be 9 years old.
If my tenth IVF worked out, Lucija would be 4 years old.


My cousin's daughter will be back within few days.

My daughter will always remain only in my dreams. That never came true.


  1. Huge hugs from freezing Pennsylvania! This is so tough. I wish that people would consider their audience before opening their mouths.

  2. That is a very sweet post. I am sorry that your cousin does not think of your empty home before making this kind of comment. So sorry you miss your daughter today.((HUGS))

  3. How sad that your cousin isn't a bit more thoughtful... I can imagine how that would make you feel.
    Sending hugs and kisses your way!

    1. chère amie, thank you for hugs and kisses.
      And thank you again for writing your post De Caen à Ljubljana 11 months ago.
      Seeing my father-in-law deeply touched when seeing photos of his brother's grave was just priceless. It meant a lot also to my husband.
      hugs & kisses for you and your little princess.

  4. Sending hugs. I remember my mother-in-law complaining to me that she and her neighbour used to bemoan the fact that they only had little boys' clothes hanging on the washing line, never any little girls' clothes. Between them they had six sons. I was speechless, but wondered what my face looked like! Yes - your cousin needs lessons in thinking before she opens her mouth to speak.

    Oh, and I remember at the Winter Olympics, I cheered for your Tina too!

    1. exactly - poor things, having only little boy's clothes :)

      It would be a horror book if all of us write down all the silly things we are forced to listen to.


  5. %$?(%"§ <--- Zensur :-)
    big hugs

    1. liebe Isa, ja, Zensur is manchmal gut :)

  6. Sigh......

    My childhood friend lost her husband tragically and unexpectedly three and a half years ago. I make sure I never lament to her about his long restaurant hours, the strain IF put on our marriage, or complain to her about anything regarding my husband, for that matter. Just sayin.

    Sending hugs from freezing Long Island, New York, and much love to the daughter in your dreams.

    1. I am sorry for your friend's loss. You are a kind friend to her. But I guess that we, who are not having traditional lives and who did suffer are much more sensitive with words.

      I was thinking about it just yesterday. I went for a walk and a coffee with my coworker. She is having hard times coping that she is already 40, single and that she will probably stay single for ever. I really try that when I talk about me, that I use "I" form. So when I was explaining what are my plans for the weekend, I told her that I am going to read a good book, I am visiting my parents and I am going for two long walks. It must be otherwise painful to always listen "we" form all the time.