Wednesday, December 10, 2014

I am not OK in December

What happened with old good fairy tales? This is an example of a a fairy tale that modern parents now buy to their kids.

A friend of mine already told me about this particular book, all excited, some months ago. I was polite, I listened and did not comment anything.

Few days ago a friend of mine had the need to tell me something more about this book, but I stopped her. I kindly asked that I really do not want to hear anything about the book.

She was surprised. She said - but it is only a story for kids about a little sperm.

So I explained. For me, this is traumatic. Because it reminds me of fertility drugs, hurtful procedures, hopes and dreams that were crushed down again and again.

I am sad. Because I know my friend needs a friend who can listen to everything that she has to say. And I am just not that kind of friend. I am damaged, for life.

It is December and parties are everywhere. I was invited to quite some of them, mainly they are work related. I am just skipping them all except one (I would love to skip it as well, but my big boss phoned me today just to make sure that I am coming there this Friday).

I don't like parties in December. Because December is the month when it is so obvious that my life just isn't as I hoped it to be.

I am OK with my childlessness and being alone most of the time 11 months per year.
I am not OK in December.

PS: but I did have just a perfect day yesterday, admiring a beautiful city abroad in Christmas decoration. I will tell you more about it tomorrow.


  1. We are all damaged by something, infertility or something else. A friend shouldn't expect another friend to hear everything they have to say. That's asking too much.

    I'm hoping that in a few years you'll feel able to go to the end of year parties. But in the meantime I will agree - defenders can be hard. Sending hugs.

    1. Thank you Mali for warm words & hugs.
      Hugs back!

  2. (((HUGS))) I think it was wise for you to let your friend know that you didn't want to listen to that story and also why. Agree with Mali that it's normal if we can't be enthusiastic about ALL our friends' stories. We all have different interests/pain triggers, after all. Hang in thereeeee!!!!

  3. I can't even believe that is a real book. Publishing standards must be quite low.

    Huge hugs coming your way. I don't think that a requirement of friendship is to want to hear every single thing that the other person has to say. Even though completely unintentional, sometimes things they say still hurt. I'm sorry that all of the parties are hard for you! They are for me, but luckily we don't have many that we have to go to.

    I'm sorry that this time of year is hard for you. I really do understand.