Monday, September 29, 2014


I remembered how much I enjoyed movie dates with my best friend. How many beautiful movies did we see in the past!

I went for a long walk with her on Saturday, it was lovely. She invited me for a movie Boyhood.

I know it is a beautiful movie. IMDB's rating is 8,7.

But I am too damaged to see the movie like this.  I don't belong to the "normal" world.

A friend of mine has a little boy of her own. So this is just a perfect movie for her.

But not for me.

I had 10 beautiful embrios. So I guess half of them were boys. My 5 boys are in heaven.

Since I couldn't watch my own boys grow up, I never ever want to see that movie either.

This is just a fact of life. Infertility scares you for a lifetime. Even when I think I am healed, there is something that reminds me that I am not and that I will never be. At least not completely.

I read this on Lisa's blog today:

“There is no right way to grieve, and you have to let people grieve in the way that they can. One of the things that happens to everyone who is grief-stricken, who has lost someone, is there comes a time when everyone else just wants you to get over it, but of course you don’t get over it. You get stronger; you try and live on; you endure; you change; but you don’t get over it. You carry it with you.”

So true!

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