And I loved my Swiss bloggie friend's latest post: https://www.elaineok.com/aufhoeren-koennen/
with a title "Being able to stop". Do use google translator, if you don't speak German. With the help of this post I realized that my life doesn't feel any more like living a plan B any more. I am just living my life. And with the help of cancer threat I realized I do love my life.
** Thank you all for your kind wishes. You were amazing!