Monday, March 18, 2013

The meanest thing II

Today we have the worst weather in the last few years. It is terrible. It was snowing the whole day, we have  30 centimeters of new snow. And then it started to rain and it is raining cats and dogs. The rain is so cold that the snow is not melting, so we have 30 centimeters of soaking wet snow. I used public transport for going to/from work, I came home soaking wet (and NOT in a good mood). 

One driver drove very fast, I tried to hide myself, but I couldn't. So I got a huge portion of snow from the road on my beloved black coat. I was really pissed off. The driver obviously saw me, he just didn't care. I just thought - and I should adopt? Come on. No, thank you. One of the reasons why we never seriously considered adoption is because deep down in ourselves we believe that majority of people is not kind hearted.

We went for a walk yesterday to the capital. And there were some teenagers who were throwing bread to an avenue (when the cars had red light). Lots of pigeons came for food. And then the teenagers waited how many birds will be killed. Really awful. If I wanted to save the birds, I would put myself to danger. The teenagers would continue their project anyway. So we just went away. I just said to my DH: "This could be also our adopted son." And we just said: "No, thank you."

Obviously I don't want to say that adopted children are mean in general. But I am 100 % sure that a child with our genes would be kind hearted and would never ever intentionally hurt any animal.

And now to the second meanest thing that I have ever heard, few months ago.

I was on a business trip with a coworker from another branch and she started a topic about an adoption (she is absolutely sure that after adopting a child I would find complete happiness... just a note: this coworker really doesn't know me well).  I wouldn't discuss anything with her now. But this conversation took place before the decision that non-adopting is only our decision and it concerns only the two of us and nobody else.

She wanted to know why I decided not to adopt. One of the reasons I quoted was that I was absolutely sure that if we had a child of our own, he / she would be smart, with no difficulties with going through education system (note: I think that my DH is one of the most intelligent people I know, I always loved the idea that our child would inherit his IQ). And with adopted children it is very risky. I read too many stories about adoption who did not went well (some of them were published in Time) and this is a risk we are not willing to take.

And my coworker's respond was: "You have absolutely no guarantee that your child would be smart. Since you are so old, he/she could be born with Down Syndrome".

So yes. I learned. I never ever discuss adoption with anybody. Except DH, two closest friends and my childless-bloggie-friends.

Another note: I know that adopting a child can be wonderful. But I just know - deep down in myself - that if we tried it, it wouldn't go well. 

And as one of my bloggie friends wrote not long ago: "I'd maxed out on my heartbreak card".


  1. Oh Klara. Big hugs. I hope you treated yourself to something nice after enduring such hurtful comment. Your coworker perhaps lost a wiring from her brain to her mouth.

    I agree with you, adopting a child is something wonderful, but it is definitely not for everyone.

  2. goodness...HUGS to you, Klara!

    I think adoption should be like a "calling". If you're not sure (at least IMO), it's better not to pursue it anyway for the sake of the child himself/herself.