Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I have a child. I have everything.

This is of course not my sentence. And it will never be mine. . I just heard it yesterday, from my coworker. She is not on permanent contract, so she will probably lose her job. And it was just a sentence to make her feel better. Since it is not a close coworker, she does not know my situation ... so I was not really hurt. I just found my way out from this conversation (I already master it!).

It just got me thinking... is having a child really everything?  Can you let your happiness to depend on  another human being?  I didn't have a choice actually. But it is quite nice feeling to be independand. Only I am responsible for my own happiness.

There are still days that I am dreaming how beautiful would be to have a beautiful baby girl. Who would look exactly as Angela (for example):

But I know that majority of children are average looking, avarage smart, average... in everything. But my child will always be exceptional in everything... in my dreams.

Not all dreams come true. It is just fact of life... Getting older (and I hope wiser)... helps to embrace whatever future brings to me.


  1. Sorry you had to hear that. I hate those comments. They sting. I think people are just trying to tell themselves they are happy when they say things like that out loud, oblivious to anyone else who may be in ear shot.

    I read in a book, shortly after getting off the fertility treatment road, to not save your happiness for the future (I need to go back and remember what book said this because it stuck with me). I still have to remind myself of this, and I think this can be applied here. I think people are happier when they do not let their happiness be dependent on a person, object, or an event. I know, easier said than done. But that is what I am striving for, and I am no longer saving my happiness.

    It sounds like you have a happy life, and i enjoy reading about it.

    1. dear Heather,
      what a beautiful expression: not to save hapiness for the future. Yes, I guess I am trying to do exactly this. But sometimes it is easier write it as really live this way.

      Thank you for your compliment ... nice to hear that you enjoy reading it. And I haven't even mention one thing that really makes me incredibly happy. I will write more about it in few days.

      PS: just a clue. I love love him and he isn't my husband :)

  2. This post is very similar to my recent post "She has no children. She has nothing." You're absolutely right. She said this to remind herself what she does have, to make herself feel better.

    I really like your thought that that because we don't have children, our happiness doesn't rely entirely on one other human being. We're responsible for it ourselves. I love that.

    1. dear Mali,
      I do not know you in person and I might never will. But do you know, who was the first person that came on my mind when I heard the sentence from my coworker? You!
      Because the sentence "I have a child. I have everything" my mind immediately translated to "I have no child. I have nothing". And this made me think of your recent post. I read it and I loved it!

      Isn't it interesting, how life after infertility doesn't know any borders? New Zealand is aproximately 19.000 kilometeres from Slovenia.... but our feelings are the same! So nice to find a community, where we all speak a common language!

  3. Hi Klara. I didn't want you to think I was leaving you (this is Heather). This will be my new spot.